Don’t Forget to Live

So, I came across a small poem that I don’t know how I hadn’t seen in my 34 years, but it sure resonates with me:

First I was dying to finish high school and start college. 

And then I was dying to finish college and start working.

And then I was dying to marry and have children. 

And then I was dying for my children to grow old enough for school so I could return to work. 

And then I was dying to retire. 

And now, I am dying … and suddenly I realize, I forgot to live. 

So, I have this poem now, up on my wall at work, as a daily reminder of just how short life is. As the days go by, I think back on my days in elementary school and how they would drag on and on … but when I was in high school, remembering, wow – the days from elementary just FLEW by. As every chapter in my life has been written, the one before seems to have been executed faster and faster. Some days, I feel like maybe I have forgotten to live and don’t want to live my life that way!

This past Memorial Day Weekend was a truly beautiful weekend, that didn’t fly by. It was one that we enjoyed fully. It was filled with happiness, laughter and health. Good food, great company and family. For once in our lives, we were able to enjoy the time we had, without any worry or upset.

We bought new bicycles and rode them until our butts were numb. Like children, we pedaled fast, hard and let the wind blow in our hair, laughing as a rain shower began and we made it home in the nick of time.

We made steaks, bratwurst and enjoyed it together with each other, our loved ones and our dear neighbor. We all laughed at my sweet niece who was amused by the fan as it blew in her face, then oscillating away, only to come right back and surprise her, in a fit of laughter! We enjoyed those moments. Took those moments in and savored them. At least I did.

We spent an afternoon with my parents, turning their lawn into summer shape, edging, trimming the bushes, pulling weeds and cutting the grass. Myself, laughing at my dear husband when my mom made him cut yet ANOTHER bush after he’d put the hedge trimmers away. Him, poking fun at me for refusing to touch the smelly tarp that had been in the garage in a bin for lord knows HOW long. Me, just enjoying the feeling of pulling the weeds from the rock beds in the backyard, feeling the sun beating on my shoulders, not too hot, but certainly not cold. Just a perfect, perfect day!

After the lawn, we went to dinner with my parents at our staple, Sugarbush Tavern, and enjoyed a great meal. A great “nightcap” to a great day. The sun set, bellies filled, and we went home.

Everything about the weekend was exactly what the poem was teaching me, and I hope, for my sake, that I can continue to slow down, remember where I am, who I am and what I stand for.

For any readers … if I have any, I hope that you can do that same too.

Happy Short Week

XO TD

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Reality

The realization knowing that I’m not getting any younger, nor is my waistline ever going to be as trim as I want it to be, my skin having lost the more youthful feel and waking up with nothing but aches and pains has me worried.

BUT YOU’RE YOUNG: So, you may say, oh, 34 is young, you have a long ways to go! But, do I? Really? What does that have to do with how I feel right now? I need to take action on that reality and do it before it takes me away.

FEELING AWFUL: I woke up this morning feeling just awful. Not wanting to do my hair (which, subsequently, I didn’t even bother to do). I picked out the first two things in my closet that matched, without so much as a second thought. I have been wearing the same pair of shoes to work since I started (in January), and I LOATHE them. My husband hates them, I hate them, and truth be told, they’re not that comfortable!

BARE MINIMUM: I jumped in the shower, only after debating the idea of showering for about 5 minutes as it was, and did the bare minimum … who does that? I made sure I was clean “enough” and hopped out. Got dressed, had some time to spare and used it to tend to the pets.

HAIRBALL: Now, that’s another topic in and of itself. I love my babies. My birds and cats are life!! So, when I noticed someone left a little hairball of a present for me, instead of tending to it and figuring out which cat it was, I begrudgingly THOUGHT TO MYSELF FOR A MINUTE, “SHOULD I JUST LEAVE THIS HERE ALL DAY”. WHOA! Stop right there. When you, a 34 year old woman “who has her whole life ahead of her“, asks if she should bother cleaning up a hairball…that’s a big friggin’ deal. Of course I picked it up, but I shook my head at myself, thinking, God, this can’t be normal. Which got me thinking about 500 other things.

I’m lucky I pre-bought my Keto lunches for the week or I’d have been screwed today.

On the flipside though, I am doing this AMAZING diet that I’ve been stuck on since January 16. Having gone from 186 to 151 (and as of today I sit at 154 … but don’t get me started on that, I’m already kicking my own ass about it). I haven’t given up or given in and I’ve continued to lose weight, for the first time in my life, and I’ve kept it off! I did let myself enjoy a first time dessert Sunday in Seattle, but that’s all a part of living your life. 

BACK TO THE TRAINWRECK: So to those of you who have it all together, those of you with 1, 2, 3, 4, 6 kids, work, have pets, homes, husbands, wives … how. How do you do it and stay sane? I’m serious. This is a cry for help for my own sanity!

NO MORE MEDS: I’ve been seeing therapists for well over a year to help with some of the other things going on, but I need to get away from the meds. I want to begin living holistically, naturally, with a purpose. Anyone who knows how to guide me in that direction? Leave a comment.

XO
TD

Keto, Ketosis, Ketogenic!

Rewind to January 16th, the day I decided the Ketogenic Lifestyle was my new WOE. I’ve had nothing but victorious moments and even gotten to the point where I was able to go “lazy keto”, where tracking my macros (Fat, Carbs, Protein), weren’t happening, and I was still losing. I knew that was coming to an end because as soon as I was done with Thunderstruck 2017 Regionals and my feet were on the ground, it was time to refocus and get myself back in the game!

To celebrate, I did, on Sunday, allow myself to enjoy one delectable dessert, and that was that.

Welcome back to Ketosis! The best part about this is that I love the way my mind and body work together to lose the weight on my body. I know that I can get back into it and in no time at all, the shape will begin to take form.

So, look forward (ha, lucky you), to more of this. I got a year’s premium subscription to MyFitnessPal, so there will be alot of Macros, alot of Recipes and alot of #wins #fails and #help!

The one thing I know is that there is no place like home 🙂

In My Veins

For all of you who are in my life, you have known my life to have revolved around dance. In some way, shape, form, you’ve been connected to me through dance. 

Whether you danced with me as a child, knew that I took lessons, had me as a coach, teacher, mentor, choreographer, sub, I taught your child, grandchild, taught with you, was a judge with/for/around you, designed your costume, handled the backstage at your competition… the list goes on.

It’s so funny how we, true, at heart dancers,  always associate ourselves as such. Dancers. Plain and simple. The irony is that, over the past oh, few years, I have tried to hang my shoes, but the shoes just refuse to be hung! 

And I couldn’t be happier! It is in my veins! I was born a dancer, I have lived as a dancer, I am living the dance life and providing the joy of the art to as many dancers as I can … and, I wouldn’t have it any other way! 

That’s what it must mean to find your true purpose, knowing that you are giving back to others the joy with which you have spent so many years onstage. 

I think of this frequently, especially with my most recent blessing working with Thunderstruck. Such a phenomenal group of people, and so many new faces, friends and memories. 

So proud that of all things, the beat, the rhythm, the music, the soul and heart pulses through my veins!

XO

TD

Another Accidental …

but somehow delicious tasting shake made it my way. I was lucky enough to snag some samples from  NutriKeto and I finally decided to try my luck at enjoying a breakfast ketone shake (I’ll get into my whole Ketogenic lifestyle later … that’s a whole sub-blog that I need to spend days on), but I’ll be damned, it was delicious. Accidentally though, I used way too much water. I figured I’d drink some of the bottled water, mix it in and shake. HAH. I was left with clumps. Lesson Learned: use the shaker. So, by the time I poured it into the only available vessel fit to shake with a top, the contents began to meld into what can only be described as CAKE BATTER. Yes…friends, CAKE BATTER for breakfast. Lo and behold, I was enjoying this for breakfast, and it is certainly keto friendly. 216 calories, 20g fat 3g carbs, 2 g sugars (includes 0g added sugars).

Ingredients: Sweet Cream, MCT Oil, Freeze Dried Whole Egg, Whey Protein, KetoSalt, Natural Flavorings, Cinnamon, Stevia* (yes, I know, I strive for Erythritol, but Stevia is #2). All in all, I’ll take it.

Tomorrow, I’m going to mix it right and hopefully not drink cake batter flavored water (which, surprisingly? NOT BAD), but when I got to the thickness of the cake batter?? 5 stars. I’ll be ordering, and if you are keto, you should consider it too!!

*20170516_085730*All opinions are my own. I am not paid or endorsed by NutriKeto for my opinions**

Subscription Addicted!

So, everyone loves to get their share of fun stuff in the mail, but who can decide WHAT to order?! I am infatuated with so many different things that I can never decide what to sign up for next. In my darker days, I cut them all out, but I am slowly adding them back in (thanks honey, S/O to my dear husband who puts up with me and my boxes).

Recently, I’ve gone back to my fave, Stitch Fix. To my sheer surprise, and delight, they’ve gone ahead and added MEN to the mix. I was so excited, I got my hubby a box too (yay for a bonus credit for me. The good news for him is that he LOVED everything, kept everything except a pair a jeans. The total? $192 (whoops, he didn’t look at the tags). Fair is fair though. Quality, amazing, nothing less expected from Stitch Fix (see his amazing shirt, soft as butter, fit is fantastic). My most recent fix, super impressed as well, but because he dropped our life savings on his fix, I settled for a simple maxi dress (see photo above from Easter Sunday, graciously covering my niece from the throes of social media, unfortunately, I could not do the same for the whisp of hair that was out of control on my head) that I absolutely fell in love with. After my credit + styling fee, it was around $40 which is about the norm for Stitch Fix.

I swear to you, if you are looking for something new, that you just can’t seem to find, give it a whirl. I’ll be honest. It took them a few “fixes” to start getting it just right with me, but now, I’m in love, and if I could afford to keep them all???? I would!

You can even let them know if you want them to include things like jewelry, shoes, accessories, etc. For a girl who loses her left shoe in her closet (ME), I opt out of shoes, and typically jewelry, only because I tend to forget about it. Send more clothes!). I ALWAYS find something that I like, and even though it costs $20 per styling session, you can choose the frequency of your “fixes”. My sister-in-law and I were talking about it recently, around the holidays. She tried it, and guess what – she loves it! If you haven’t tried it, I recommend it! For a subscription style deal, this is worth it to me!! Click My Referral Link to Try Stitch Fix!

If you’ve tried Stitch Fix, I’d love to hear your thoughts! Loves, Hates, Indifferents! If you have a BETTER subscription I would love to hear about it too! I am probably going to take some time tomorrow and chat about another FAVE … less clothes, more fun! Stay Tuned!! Your comments help me grow ❤

 

Accidentally Originally Yours!

XOXO

*Note: All opinion are of my own and I am not being compensated by Stitch Fix or its affiliates or brands for my comments, or opinions. If you have a brand or subscription you would like me to review, Please reach out to me directly: accidentallyoriginal@gmail.com

Happy Mother’s Day 

Such a cliche title to a blog post. I woke up today no different than the rest. Just filled with the same anxious and exhausted thoughts that have crept their uninvited way back in to my life recently. The goal of ‘sleeping in’ made it to 6:00 am and I was not seeing sleep again. 

The humor with which we see things in perspective as we age is uncanny.  Sleeping in to me is 6 at age 34, but to my co-worker’s 19 year old daughter, 1 pm means you will be put before a firing squad! But I digress. If I weren’t typing from my phone, this would be more into a myriad of ways about changing with the times and how failure to do so can wreak havoc, cause problems and eventually demise. 

Anyone have advice for a beginner full time wanna be pro blogger on a keyboard to add to their device for functionally? Anyone willing to donate to the cause?

Live like you’re dying!

Xo

Tarra

Updates and Things …

It has been such a long time since I’ve decided to come back into writing again. I keep trying and failing and trying again, but as long as I keep trying, I might as well keep up with the effort. I’ve been working the Ketogenic Lifestyle with such great success that maybe this is the kick I need for the next step to fall into place.
Having been spending the last four months traveling almost every weekend to different cities across the country for dance competitions, I have been hearing so many different songs, and with everything happening in my daily life, the trials, the tribulations, the ups and the downs, there is one by Mary Lambert that just seems to fall in tune with my soul every single day. Long after the marley floors are rolled, the airplanes have flown back home and my butt is back in my chair at the office, I am humming the words in my head. It is unbelievable how raw, true and real she is with her spoken word.
It is a humbling song that keeps me centered when I hear it, and it keeps my mind in check, reminding me that everything will always be okay, as long as I remain in control of my heart. Many of you, I’m sure, have heard it, but below are the lyrics, from http://www.azlyrics.com and below that, the link to the YouTube video. Its been my center of balance lately and I hope I can continue to find my strength within!
Enjoy …
Lay Your Head Down
Lay your head down,
Lay your head down,
Lay your head down on me.

What is the state of your heart?
Is it concave?
Are you awake?

Sometimes when I cry,
I start to cry harder simply because I am crying,
Or I cry because I know that in the world somewhere there are little girls wearing tutus and singing Christmas songs,
Or because Sarah McLaughlin comes onto my TV and tells me about the cats and the dogs that don’t have homes.
(Fuck you Sarah McLaughlin)

I cry because on the internet there are pictures of pigs wearing rain boots,
And there are pictures of Sharpe puppies that looks like rolled up towels,
The internet is great!

Sometimes I cry when cheese is really good,
When I’ve made onions…
That’s just human..
I cry because they call me fat, even though I am fat
because most of the time a word is just a word until it is not just a word, it is a weapon,

I cry because there is death,
I cry because people die and maybe the last thing they thought of was their children,
And I cry because I don’t have children yet,

I cry when there is no end and I cry when there is an end,
And I cry because you love me so well,
Because I used to cry alone because I wanted to die,
And now I cry harder because your shoulder is so soft,
Because the sunset is so beautiful on the Connecticut river,
I cry because I am scared I am losing my mind,
Or because I’m on meds,
Or I’m crying because I forgot my meds,
Or I’m crying for the fact…

Maybe I’m not actually myself,
I’m crying because I am myself and that doesn’t feel like enough,

Lay your head down,
Lay your head down,
Lay your head down on me,

What is the state of your heart?
Is it concave?
Are you awake?

I cry because of guns,
People get shot for what?
For pride and things I cant understand,
I cry because I don’t understand the world,

But I cry because there is also good,
There is also chocolate cake,
And love and Harry Potter and the brilliant gasps of holding a hand,
There is also love letters and first kisses and second kisses and third kisses,
And hammocks.
I love hammocks.

I cry because I am so well,
Because I live so well,
And how could one person possibly live with all of this life,

Lay your head down
Lay your head down,
Lay your head down on me,

What is the state of your heart?
Is it concave?
Are you awake?

Listen to it here: Lay Your Head Down

No Name Virus from Hell!

Sunday Funday has arrived! Albeit less than fun, considering I am on day 7 of this awful virus that has me breathless, coughing, sneezing, sniffling and miserable. I gave in on Friday and got me some medicine…imagine my surprise and the pharmacist’s laughter when I went to pick up the mother-lode of prescriptions…six in total. Come Sunday and while I still feel like I might perish, there may be a light at the end of the tunnel…maybe. That’s still TBD.

Although my original intent was to post about my well-being, optimism and things that are going well, I had a gigantic wake-up call when I went to the doctor for this virus thingy that doesn’t have a name, but calls for a handful of meds both OTC and prescribed.

My wake-up call had me in tears, shock, agony…you name it, I was in it. The scale had finally hit a number it had never hit before. I have now officially hit the heaviest that I have been in my entire life. Few individuals know the exact number, and for privacy sake, I won’t mention it here, but my journey has to begin to shed 55 pounds. While I’m fighting this ridiculous virus, I am entering planning mode. There isn’t a way to begin working out right now…I can’t walk through my house without practically having an asthma attack. As soon as I can get it under control – it is game on.

The saddest part about this, is that I have known for a while that I needed to lose weight. It started with, oh I gotta lose 10 lbs, then…20. Now 30, 40…NOW 55?!?! WHAT?! Unacceptable at 34 years old and 5’2. Game over.

 

 

 

Closure to a Long, Lovely Weekend 

Here we are! Back to the grind in the morning. I was lucky enough to get an extra day with my other half, and, for what feels like the first time since our first year of dating and marriage, we had an amazing New Year’s Weekend together. 

Through many of our ups and downs we have tended to lose sight of the beauty of what makes us such an incredible couple…our ability to enjoy each other’s company in complete silence, our willingness to compromise, the ridiculous sense of humor we share among so many other things. It was a truly magical weekend and one I won’t soon forget. 

As we move forward though, I had a huge dose of “reality check” hit me square in the face today as I realized that I am getting slightly more round and less fit than I would like. The body that looks back in the mirror isn’t one that is recognizable or okay in The Book of Me. 

After doing some fact checking and brief soul searching, the answer was obvious…the whole 2017 needs to be a better year HAS to start with my health. Drinking copious amounts of Coke and quite frankly not giving two shits about what I inhale has gone way too far. For F’s sake, I teach dance…to kids. I need to be a role model! Not a huffing,  puffing out of shape slob! 

2016 may have taken its toll on me, but I can’t change the past. All that I can do is focus on the things that I do have control over:

  1. What contributions I make to better myself physically, emotionally and spiritually.
  2. What efforts I make to correct or heal the ailments or illnesses that I cannot control on my own.
  3. How I react to stress on a daily basis. 

Hopefully, I am off to a good start. Coming to positive light is a tough thing to do, especially since we are all our own worst critic.

For those of you who take the time to read this, and have struggles within yourself, maybe you can offer some enlightenment on what has worked for you!

More to come…the gently snoring husband and two cuddly cats are making my eyes heavy…or it could be our newest household staple Restful Sleep gummies. We stand behind these babies 110%!

Sweetest of Dreams!

XO

TD